STONE SOUP: Blog

Translation Rights and Wrongs

Sat, 27 Sep 2008 02:06:21 GMT

A couple of days ago, I googled myself, as I do from time to time, just to see what kind of web presence I have developed. This article was #1 in the search results:

http://www.buddhachannel.tv/portail/spip.php?article2249 http://www.buddhachannel.tv/portail/spip.php?article2249

There are some cool aspects to this. My picture is featured prominently, along with other illustrations. The article has been beautifully translated into French. I would be very proud, except for one little detail. My work has been reproduced without my knowledge or consent. In other words, it was stolen.

Stolen by Buddhists! I can't believe it. I have always had Buddhists on a moral pedestal. Now that I realize that they can infringe copyrights as much as anyone else, I will never see them in quite the same light again.

Pity. I would probably have let them use the article for free. All they had to do is ask.

Labour Day 2008

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 12:49:24 GMT

School starts tomorrow. My friend Dorothy is feeling very antsy because she is not going back to school this year. That brought back memories of my first retirement in 1973. I was 8 months pregnant. Doug and I had bought a house, he had accepted a career position at the Douglas Point nuclear plant, and the endless possibilities of life stretched out before us. I was happy with my choices. Nonetheless, on the first day of school, I sat on the escarpment, watching the students converge on the school building, and cried and cried.

I am working on my third retirement now. This one is a little different, because I never actually had a job. For the past 12 years, I have been keeping the bench warm, waiting for the real organist to show up. The last 5 or 6 years, I have been doing parish work for 10-15 hours a week, and leading services on alternate Sundays. I have done a lot of preaching, singing, and hand-holding. Currently, I am living between two addresses. I am at the old one now, planning to do some housecleaning, finish my packing, and then haul another load of stuff to the new address. There, I have to do some exterior painting, wood-stacking, organizing, gardening, and finding places for the stuff I hauled. I am leaving for one more trip to Victoria on September 17, and will be bringing my mother back to live with us on September 24. In May, my husband will become a permanent resident at the new address, and the Moose Capital phase of our lives will be officially over.

It is a relief to be clear of the stress of service preparation and fretting about the future of the parish. I love my new house. I'm worried that I will turn into Cinderella, trying to keep both my husband and my mother happy.

One of these days, I will find a comfortable place to sit, and cry and cry. Tears of loss, but also tears of hope. A new life is beginning.

Nurse Ratched's Place

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 17:56:42 GMT

My favourite medical blogger, Mother Jones aka Nurse Ratched, has moved from Blogger and established her own website.

I love her reviews of classic pulp nursing fiction, her takes on medical madness, and her poetic moments of empathy. If I ever have to go to a psych hospital, I want her to be my nurse!

http://www.nurseratchedsplace.com/

Shipwrecked by laughter

Sun, 24 Aug 2008 03:49:29 GMT

"Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge in the field of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods."
Albert Einstein, contribution to a publication commemorating the eightieth birthday of German rabbi and theologian Leo Baeck, 1953.

The Big Sky

Sun, 13 Jul 2008 01:51:25 GMT

June was my travel month. I drove to Edmonton, and then flew to Victoria to escort my mother to Edmonton for her 85th birthday party.

One of the advantages of driving rather than flying is that I get to see the prairies.

When we arrived in Saskatchewan almost 30 years ago, we were told that we would either hate the big sky and be gone within three months, or we would love it and never leave. We stayed for 15 years.

I invested considerable time and effort in trying to capture the magic of the big sky in digital form. It can't be done, of course, but I'm a sucker for a challenge. If you want to see the results, take a look a my Big Sky album.

Heart knowledge

Fri, 02 May 2008 16:33:13 GMT

No real and deep change occurs outside relationship and trust, for this is the place where the heart lives. People often say, "I know that in my head, not in my heart." For the heart to know it, the heart must return to the vulnerable place where the rules were first written on it.

-- Dr. Henry Cloud, Changes that Heal

Irena Sendlerova

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 15:22:10 GMT

One of my articles made the front page of Helium today. I am happy that this one is getting additional exposure. We need positive role models in our society. Not glitzy superstars and celebrities, but seemingly ordinary people doing extraordinary things.

http://www.helium.com/items/942654-three-grade-students-grade

When Dr. Margaret Arkinstall, one of Hearst's pioneer physicians, was awarded the Order of Canada, she wondered what the fuss was about. "I was just doing my job." Indeed she was, but it was not a job that had a huge line-up of people wanting to do it. Many of the older residents of Hearst have vivid stories to tell about Dr. Arkinstall and her husband, "Dr. Bill." She did her house calls with a horse and buggy in the summer, and a horse and sleigh in the winter, while he kept the hospital running. They could not be everywhere they were needed, but they often were in the right place at the right time.

Before the Arkinstalls, there was Dr. Al Kenzie, who arrived in Hearst in 1924. There was no highway then, so he got off the train at Hornepayne and walked over 100 km through the bush. If we end up in the same place in the afterlife, I will shake his hand.

Of course, we don't have to be doctors or social workers to make a difference. All we have to be is ourselves, and be willing to take opportunities to make a difference. Even a smile can change the course of someone's day.

The increasing focus on self-fulfilment has made the concept of serving others without tangible compensation much less sexy. Much of the good we do is fuelled by guilt rather than joy. Many of us have forgotten that self-fulfilment is impossible without hands-on service.

A humane society is not possible unless we take care of each other. If we can't stop the avalanche of evil, at least we can snatch the occasional person out of its path.

My Grandson Wren

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 01:09:30 GMT

I have just installed the software for my digital camera and downloaded my pictures. I am inordinately proud of myself because I consider myself a technoklutz.

This photo was sent by my daughter just last week, after new snow fell on Edmonton.

What's in Your Wallet?

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 15:30:19 GMT

This is National Poetry Month in the U.S. Helium is hosting some poetry contests, with Helium T-shirts as prizes. I decided to take a shot at a couple of the titles. This is one of them. Not deathless verse by any means, but it does have a message.

http://www.helium.com/items/986726-whats-walletwhy-money-stashlets

Transition

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 15:47:44 GMT

One week ago, we bought a house in a tiny town (pop. 1200), 400 kilometers away. After closing in July, I will live there most of the time, pending my husband's retirement in April '09.

That means I have to wind down this chapter of my life and prepare for the next. I have lived in the Moos Capital for 12 years now, longer than I have ever lived anywhere. In some ways, it was home; in others, I continued to feel like a stranger in a strange land.

Will this new place be home? When I was sitting on the deck in the sunshine, it felt like it.

Free at last!

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 03:39:22 GMT

Yesterday was a red-letter day. My car is finally free from its icy prison.

We have a one-car garage, so my car is parked in the driveway next to the house. Usually, when I blow the snow out of the driveway, I move my car out, clean the space, and put the car back. While my sweetie was in the hospital in January, I started driving his car, because it was more convenient, and it has better snow tires. After he came home and was recuperating, he didn't need his car, so I kept driving it.

When I finally tried to get it out, I discovered that the snow had melted and re-frozen into ice. The wheels were enclosed in blocks of ice. At one point, even the exhaust was plugged.

I made several attempts to get it out, to no avail. Even my sweetie tried. I had no choice but to wait until the ice had melted.

Now I know that it really does matter whether I clean up the snow around my parking spot.

Spring really is on the way. There are still snowbanks, but the grass is starting to look green in places, and there are two crocuses in the flower bed. It's been a long wait. April Showers are just a metaphor here. Try April Blizzards.

Helium in the news

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 20:14:36 GMT

Here is the link for an ABC news story about Helium

http://www.abcnews.go.com/Technology/wireStory?id=4514057

Whether we approve of it or not, the blogging craze has kicked us into the age of "citizen journalism". People are writing who never dreamed of doing such a thing. Most of them don't care about getting paid. They just want to express themselves and hopefully have their thoughts and voices heard. A lot of them aren't very good at the craft, but they will get better if they keep at it and pick up a tip here and there.

For me, the cash is in the contests. I have managed to sell only one article on Marketplace so far. If I keep my head down and write a dozen decent articles for a contest, I have a good chance of being a Channel Champion. Some of the topics are really fascinating, and I learn a lot from doing the research

The Great Reward-a-thon

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 02:05:50 GMT

No, I haven't died. I've been immersed in the Helium Reward-a-thon.

This is a 99-day event where you get a pay-out for each article you post, provided you have at least one writing star and three rating stars.

I have four writing stars, and have 33 articles to go for the fifth star. So that's no problem. But I am worried about maintaining my third rating star. Most of the time I have three stars, for a glorious couple of days I had four, and sometimes I have two. If I have only two when April 14 comes to an end, I won't get any pay-out.

The ratings are based on quantity, which I can easily control, and quality, which is more elusive. "Quality" ratings are the same as most the ratings other people make. This is to keep people from randomly rating without reading the articles, but it makes me very, very nervous. Instead of asking "Which is better?" am likely to ask, "Which will THEY think is better?" Sometimes it's obvious, but when it's a close call, I wonder whether I am shooting myself in the foot.

I have written articles about black history, Alzheimer's disease, love and marriage, evolution, and a host of other topics. Currently, I am working on anthropology. I have surprised myself. I can churn out an article faster than I ever believed was humanly possible, and they are actually good enough to make me a serious contender in the Channel Champions contests. I have learned a lot of new stuff. The only problem is -- how do I keep real life from interfering with my Helium obsession?

The Reward-a-thon ends on April 15. Then, theoretically, I can rest. Whether I am gloating over a pay-out or grieving for my lost rating star, the battle will be over. But I'll bet those Helium will think of another way to motivate me. They are very good at starting my writing engine.

The Inhumanity of the Computer

Mon, 25 Feb 2008 17:43:15 GMT

My research today took me to a page of quotes by Isaac Asimov.

http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Isaac_Asimov/

There are are a number of strong contenders for favorite. I chose this one:

Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest.

Coping with Excess Knowledge and Wisdom

Sun, 24 Feb 2008 21:46:38 GMT

Dear Dr. Ursa,

My ex says that I am a pain because I always think I'm right. He says our children agree with him on this.

Fact is, I usually am right. Why can't they accept that?

Baffled in Bangor

Dear Baffled,

Let's get one thing straight. Nobody is right all the time except God and Dr. Ursa.

You have accumulated a lot of knowledge and wisdom in your life, and now you want to share it. That's OK. But don't share it with members of your immediate family. They already have as much of you as they can handle. If they want more, they'll ask.

Get a 900 number, or a sign that says LIFE STYLE CONSULTANT, or a column spot in a desperate publication. If all else fails, start a blog. Pass on what you have learned to people who are actually interested. If they choose to ignore you and find out for themselves that it's a long way across the ocean, that's their problem.

Never give your best advice to your children. Save that for yourself. Give your children your second-best advice. That way they will have the fun of upgrading it. That's what they really want from you -- the feeling that they have made it to the next step up the evolutionary ladder.

If you want them to think that you are incredibly clever, learn and practise the art of active listening. You might even learn something.

Warning! Action required!

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 14:59:51 GMT

Our emotions send us messages that action is required to maintain the dynamic equilibrium of our psyches. It might be simply a matter of taking the time to grieve or celebrate. It might be that we need to confront something, or spend time with someone, or give ourselves permission to rest, or change the way we do things, or even change the way we think about ourselves, others, God & the universe. Whatever it is, it is important and requires our attention.

If we don't want to do what is necessary, we anaesthetize the signal. That's like pulling the battery out of the smoke detector without bothering to check if there is a fire somewhere.

Freedom Quilts

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 04:40:53 GMT

Since Thursday, I've been researching and writing articles for the Black History Month writing contest on Helium. I expected this subject to be intensely interesting because it is something I knew virtually nothing about. It is even more interesting than I expected. The most fascinating thing I have stumbled across so far is the story of 'freedom quits'. At first all i could find were lessons plans and announcements about exhibitions. Obviously, these quilts are a hot item. Then I found the National Geographic article, and was able to search more intelligently. The result was mind-boggling. It is possible that the whole thing is folklore after all.

http://www.helium.com/tm/865494/hidden-plain-secret-story

Loneliness

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 14:32:05 GMT

There are many kinds of loneliness. There is the loneliness we feel when a beloved friend of family member has deserted us; the loneliness we feel when we must make a difficult decision; the loneliness of the long-distance runner whose fans can cheer him on, idolize him, and shower him with rose petals, but cannot run his race for him.

When we are facing the prospect of change, we may experience anticipatory loneliness. Relationships will no longer be what they were. Even if they change for the better, there will be nostalgia for the "good old days", which often seem idyllic in retrospect.

When my mother was facing her retirement years, she vowed to make two new friends for each one who died or moved away. Now that she is 85, she says that she's too tired to make the effort. For the elderly, mere survival becomes a fountain of loneliness.

The loneliness associated with spiritual crisis is a yearning for deeper relationship. This kind of loneliness must be allowed to run its course. There are no eggs with wings.

HAPPY ST. VALENTINE'S DAY!

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 14:29:24 GMT

Usually, I greet this day with reflections about love. This time, my Inner Silly Person came out on top, and I wrote this article for Helium. Enjoy!

http://www.helium.com/tm/860089/hints-making-valentines-dayfor

Vacuums and walls

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 18:08:45 GMT

A vacuum can only exist, I imagine, by the things that enclose it. (Zelda Fitzgerald)

A vacuum isn't just emptiness. It is the absence of something, and it it were not encased in its walls, a vacuum would not be possible . . . we have been trapped by the very lives we have designed . . . when a vacuum is opened up, many interesting possibilities rush in. (Dr. Anne Wilson Shaef)

(Christine's commentary)
When I feel empty, without any personal identity or self-recognition, I imagine that I have somehow lost myself. But I guess I am still here, in the dark, walled in by the facades I've constructed to satisfy the needs and demands of other people.

Ouch.

The irony of it is that the pretty exterior I have worked so hard to create is useless to others. If they realize that it's a con shot, they will never take me seriously. If they are fooled by the disguise, they are discouraged because they know themselves too well and believe that I could never accept what lurks inside them.

We can paint on our smiles and dance our dances and impress each other till the cows come home, but we can never connect until the walls come down.

So -- how about it? Maybe just a window for starters? Or a peep-hole?

You go first.

St. Ursa Theresa

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 15:15:27 GMT

The following is attributed to Mother Teresa, but I'm not so sure. It sounds too much like what a saint should say.

LOVE THEM ANYWAY
People are unreasonable, illogical, self-centred.
Love them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false triends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Be good anyway.

Honesty and frankness will make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People need help, but may attack you if you try to help them.
Help them anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My personal, non-saintly version goes something like this:
People are unreasonable, illogical, self-centred.
That's why so many of us prefer to play video games.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
And they may be right.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies.
That goes with the territory.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
But the results will still be there.

Honesty and frankness will make you vulnerable.
Dishonesty and deviousness will make you worry about getting caught.
So which is worse?

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Or it may last for a hundred years.
There's no way of knowing.

People need help, but may attack you if you try to help them.
Stand back far enough to keep them from pulling you into the quicksand. Two deaths are not better than one.

In the final analysis, you have to decide what's best for you.
People who claim to know all the answers for your life are just avoiding the challenge of dealing with their own issues.
If you go to God for advice, make sure you are hearing clearly before jumping off the temple tower.
You cannot hold anyone accountable for your decisions but yourself.

Everything I know about writing -- so far.

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 00:51:47 GMT

1. A writer writes. And writes. And writes.

2. Hard work is like the gasoline in a car: very little progress is possible without it.

3. Not everyone shares my taste.

4. Taking time off to write is as risky as arranging maternity leave before pregnancy occurs.

5. Even if editors seem to have gone to the dark side, there is still good in them.

6. Reading about writing is like learning to swim without getting into the water.

7. The writer who writes to please others is doomed to stop enjoying it.

8. Ignoring grammar and spelling is like trying to play ice hockey without learning to skate.

9. When all else fails, read the guidelines.

10. The publishing industry is constantly changing. Yesterday's faux pas could be today's hot tip.

11. Sometimes writing is like being in love; other times it's like being trapped in a miserable marriage.

Neologisms -- will any of these catch on?

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 16:27:24 GMT

The following was contributed to my e-mail Inbox by my esteemed friend and e-companion, Moe of Saskatchewan.

Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again
asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,
subtracting, or changing just one letter, and supply a new
definition, thus creating a new word, or...neologism.

Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.):
   The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
   financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus:
   A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication:
   Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
   realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation:
   Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.):
   The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately,
shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy:
   Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose
of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti:
    Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm:
   The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
   person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte:
   To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis:
     A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon:
   really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth
   explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n):
   The grueling event of getting through the day consuming
     only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido:
      All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect:
   The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you
rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n):
   The frantic dance performed just after you've
   accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n):
     Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
     bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n):
    The color you turn after finding half a worm in the
   fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to
its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate
meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n.
   The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj.
    Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v.
   To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v.
   To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj.
    Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj.
   Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only
   a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v.
   To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n.
Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n.
   Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run
over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n.
    A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n.
   A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n.
     The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n.
      A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n.
    A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n.
   The belief that, after death, the soul flies up
    onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n.
     An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
    Jewish men.

And here are some I made up all by myself:

flubber n. fluffy blubber

v. to wallow helplessly while stuck in the bathtub

peripherate v. to go around and around an issue without ever getting to the point.

peripheration n. the act of peripherating (as some politicians and professors are wont to do)

simplexity n. simple complexity

sexiform adj. having six sides (does that disappoint you?)

constabulate v. to act like a policeman (e.g. what a chaperone at a junior high dance does)

siliphone n. a waterproof rubber telephone

v. to telephone while taking a shower

matermaxim n. the sort of thing your mother always used to say

linguosity n. linguisitic virtuosity

soliquity 1. a sin committed without a partner

2. the act of resigning from your job as an act of protest, only to discover that your

fellow employees are not doing likewise

puzzania n. an abonormal interest in puzzles

juxtaphase n. the act of flipping abruptly from one interest to another, causing your relatvies to say hopefully, "Oh! It's juxtaphase!"

v. to change interests abruptly

standarviate n.1. someone whose mental aberrations have been measured and catalogued

2. someone who always knows how far (s)he is off the norm

v. to deviate in a measureable fashion

gyntelliphobe n. someone who is afraid of intelligent women

gyntelliphobia n. pathological fear of intelligent women

protractorate v. to stall for time by measuring angles

n. a form whose angles have been measured

felingulation n. the act of being licked by a cat

felingulate v. to lick (of a feline)

If that is not enough, here are some REAL WORDS to look up in the dictionary:

drupacious, commensurateness, chthonic, eponymous, esculent, eschatological, bifurcately, ratiocinator, tergeversation, termagant, wiseacre, volatilizable

Muffin Mania

Sat, 02 Feb 2008 14:26:39 GMT

I'm feeling mellow today. I have survived the worst blizzard of the decade (as far as I can remember) and a 500km drive over snow, ice and slush to take my husband for a CT scan. Aside from some muscle twinges associated with snow removal, I'm doing fine.

So fine, in fact, that I went on a baking binge this morning and made some"kitchesn sink muffins' for breakfast. Oats, whole wheat, cranberries, orange zest, along with left-over bits of pecans and pomegranate seeds. They're a bit chewy, but filling. I'm taking some over to a friend.

The last time I did that, I didn't try the muffins ahead of time. When we started eating them, I noticed the texture wasn't quite right. I had forgotten the baking powder! They weren't too bad while they were warm, but the next day they had become stony lumps. So much for impressing my friend!

Moral: Don't do stuff to impress. Do it 'just because'. Then the outcome won't matter so much.

Playing Hospital

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 16:35:09 GMT

If you've been visiting Stone Soup lately, you may be wondering if I died. I didn't, but my husband almost did. On January 9. he was admitted to hospital with unhappy kidneys. After some very rough days and a Lear jet trip to Timmins for a CT scan, he was released on the 14th. Since then, my life has been a round of blood pressure and blood glucose monitoring, medication changes, medical appointments, dietary discussions, and assorted nursing duties.

I don't mind playing hospital. But I want to be the doctor, not the nurse. You know, that person with the clipboard who stays for three minutes, asks strange questions, and then leaves incomprehensible orders for others to carry out. The nurse is the one that has to try to interpret those orders, do everything on schedule despite other crises that may be unfolding down the hall, field endless questions from the patient and worried family members, and put up with the patient's moods until the shift is over.

Fortunately, I have only one patient. He is able to feed himself without assistance, and he is only intermittently grouchy. Things are getting better all the time. Things are getting better all the time. Things are get. . . . . . . .

Medical Websites

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 15:42:49 GMT

There is a lot of garbage and misinformation on the Internet, with very few checks and balances, except our own hard-wired crap dectectors, reasoning ability, and the willingness to research multiple sites instead of just one.

According to Chatelaine Magazine, these are the medical sites to trust:

www.mayoclinic.com (I've consulted this one frequently.)

www.medscape.com and its companion site www.webmd.com

www.mediadoctor.ca which looks into the accuracy of health reporting in Canadian news outlets.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Mon, 31 Dec 2007 18:52:31 GMT

Because I was trying to win the weekly Helium contest. I wrote a fistful of articles about the New Year. If you want to find out how to inject romance into your celebrations, or what time the pubs stop being child-friendly in Dublin, Ireland, the scoop is right here.

My favourite in the lot is

http://www.helium.com/tm/758681/seven-years-resolutions-windowmaking

Not that anyone needs advice about how to break resolutions, but it was fun to write.

Life Alphabet

Sun, 30 Dec 2007 21:02:43 GMT

This is my life alphabet for 2008. A life alphabet is an interesting alternative to new year's resolutions.

http://www.helium.com/tm/764047/alphabet-2008appreciate-moment-advise

I had elaborate resolution for 2007, and forgot most of them, probably because I didn't want to admit that I wasn't doing what I planned. The general direction we MAKE 2007 THE BEST YEAR I CAN. I don't know if I actually succeeded in that, but it's over now, and time to look ahead down another corridor.

What do I want do in 2008? You saw it here first.

1. Remember that life happens here and now, not in the past or future.

2. Buy no new clothes (if necessary, I can get my shopping fix from buying used clothes).

3. Get a passport.

4. Publish my fantasy book, "The Return of the Dragonhawk."

Maxims to live by

Thu, 27 Dec 2007 17:09:07 GMT

EMANATIONS OF A FEVERISH BRAIN ON AN OVERCAST AFTERNOON...

Hell hath no fury like a mother scorned.

Don't pee on my parade.

Man proposes; Mom disposes.

Don't like cheap thrills? Then you pay the bills!

Just say YES.

Love your neighbour--but don't get caught!

Don't trust anyone under thirty.

God must be male--no woman would put up with such a mess.

Dermatology is only skin deep.

I’m allergic to flowers--just send money.

The way to a man's heart is through his ego.

This reality may be terminated without notice.

Living in the past causes time paradoxes.

Golfers always look fore-ward.

My mission in life is to make the top 99% look good.

January Blues

Wed, 26 Dec 2007 15:20:15 GMT

I'm jumping the gun a bit here -- but it won't be long until January arrives. This piece took second prize in the Northern Ontario poetry contest, and can be sung to the tune of "Frankie and Johnny".

Smile! Into every life, a little snow must fall.

JANUARY BLUES

Oh wow! what a wonderful Christmas,

With music and women and brew!

My credit cards are maxed out,

and my girl friend's overdue.

Oh, please excuse me --

I've got the January blues.

I drank hopeful toasts to the New Year,

Determined to walk a new way --

I listed resolutions,

And I broke them the next day.

Oh, please excuse me --

I've got the January blues.

The temperature's going to plummet,

A chill wind has started to blow.

A plow passed by my Chevvy

And buried it in snow!

Oh, please excuse me --

I've got the January blues.

Oh Lordy, I can't take this headache,

I'm breaking down under the load:

The cat threw up on the carpet

And the toilet overflowed.

Oh, please excuse me --

I've got the January blues.

But why waste my breath belly-aching?

Why bother to fuss and fret?

Soon it will be tax time,

Then I'll see how bad it can get!

Soon I may lose

My shirt and my shoes.

Oh Yeah!

Samaritan Remix

Mon, 24 Dec 2007 01:09:03 GMT

Imagine this: you are stuck by the roadside in a blizzard, freezing. Someone stops to rescue you.

What is your personal equivalent of the Good Samaritan? Someone of a different race, or language, or religion? Or would it be the good tax auditor or the good welfare recipient? The good hooker or the good drug dealer? The good homosexual? The good child molester or wife beater out on parole?

Or maybe it is someone who has cheated or insulted you, or, worse yet, someone you have cheated or insulted. After disliking that person, looking down on that person, gossiping about that person, thinking of that person as less lovable than you are, you owe that person your life. Suddenly you have to say, "Thank you for stopping."

Uncomfortable thought, isn't it? But it could happen.

Humor Therapy

Tue, 18 Dec 2007 22:56:39 GMT

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

4.. Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.

5.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

6.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

7.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

8..Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

9.. Procrastinate now!

10.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

11.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

12..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

13..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

14..Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

15.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

16.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

17.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

My Alphabet for Life

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 22:43:31 GMT

When I was leafing through the Acorn catalogue (distance shopping is a major activity for us people in isolated communities), I found an Alphabet for Life Plaque -- "An A-to-Z guide to mindful living, case in resin with a marble-like finish and ready to hang." Only $35 US.

This is the type of item I generally buy in the Dollar Store for $2.95. But it did get me thinking.

Here is their list:

Accept differences

Be kind

Count your blessings

Dream

Express thanks

Forgive

Give freely

Harm no one

Imagine more

Jettison anger

Keep considences

Love truly

Master something

Nurture home

Open your mind

Pack lightly

Quell rumors

Reciprocate

Seek wisdom

Touch hearts

Understand

Value Truth

Win graciously

Xeriscape

Yearn for peace

Zealously support a worth cause

My list:

Argue against abuses of power

Bend rigid rules

Catch rainbows

Delegate responsibility

Eat mindfully

Feed the imagination

Give graciously

Hold onto love

Irrigate dry hearts

Jump for joy

Keep beautiful memories

Laugh whenever possible

Meet fear head-on

Never say never

Open windows

Pet friendly animals

Question absolutes

Resist evil

Save the environment

Take time to listen

Use unlikely exits

Veer away from the expected

Xerox vital documents

Zoom past Shouldville

Hmmm. That was fun. Maybe I should try that more often. It could turn out to be an excellent mood barometer.

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Sun, 16 Dec 2007 05:01:27 GMT

Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.

Pentecostal: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.

Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

Anglicans/Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including: incandescent, fluorescent three way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish: What's a light bulb?